His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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