Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
