According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
