Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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