He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
