it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
