Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I puked a lego.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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