put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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