Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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