Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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