please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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