im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
