First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
