the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
