you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
