i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
