i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
