you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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