he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
