it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
