Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
