question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
