im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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