I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
