She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
