I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
