She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My life is pants optional.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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