He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
