The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
