just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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