I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
