dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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