end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize