may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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