I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
