Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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