I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
