I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's blow job season.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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