wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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