How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize