he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
