I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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