i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize