Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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