Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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