i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
