I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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