I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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