i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
