Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
