I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
