He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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