so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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