My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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