If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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