i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
