If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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