Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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