I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No subtext here. People are naked.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
