I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
